**Collaborative post**
Dealing with death is always difficult, and it’s a lot harder when you have children to consider. Depending on their age, your child may struggle to understand what loss means, and may also be confused by their grief.
This is true whether they’ve lost your elderly parents after a long period of illness, or someone like a younger aunt or uncle due to an unexpected death. And, it’s a reality that may make it tempting to shield them from death’s realities.
Unfortunately, death is an important part of life, and cutting your kids off can leave them with unresolved issues, and an unawareness of how to act. It’s far better to get your kids involved to some extent. But, how much involvement is healthy?
Trust Them With Small Decisions
There are a lot of decisions to make after you’ve lost a loved one, and letting your kids have some say can help them feel more in control. Of course, this is by no means to say that you should take your child along to visit funeral directors and let them choose vital factors like the coffin.
Instead, trust your child with small decisions, which could include picking the outfit you take with you to the funeral director or even the music played at the beginning of a funeral. These are minor things, but they can help your child feel like they’re involved in a send-off that’s as important for them as it is for you.
The Funeral: Should They Attend?
Depending on the age of your kids, you may also be uncertain about how to navigate the funeral. After all, these aren’t happy affairs, and they can be distressing for young kids. Still, not taking children who feel ready to attend may leave them with many unresolved feelings and resentments.
While there’s no ‘right’ age for funeral attendance, it is always wise to wait until your children can fully understand death and what to expect on the day. For most parents, this happens at around the age of 8. Before then, kids may be better off only attending the wake. If you think it would help, you could involve young children in the funeral in other ways, such as letting them make a card that you put on the coffin.
Age-Appropriate Commemorations
Whether your children are old enough to attend the funeral or not, it’s worth engaging in a few age-appropriate commemorations that can help to say goodbye in their own way. This can create a far happier form of closure, and will provide them with the best possible memories of this difficult time. Great age-appropriate commemoration ideas for even young kids include –
- Planting perennial bulbs in memory
- Creating a memory box
- Spending a special day doing something your lost loved one enjoyed
- Making something in memory of your loved one, such as a necklace or painting
It’s never easy to know how much to involve your children in loss, but it’s vital to ensure they have closure in whatever way seems appropriate.
