How children can make friends

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Making friends is a big part of children’s lives. This starts at a very early age, in playgroups, nursery and other social situations such as spending time with friends children/cousins, etc.

Not all children find it easy to make friends, however, this can happen for so many different reasons – they could be shy, unused to socialising with other children, have low self-esteem or are more comfortable/used to adult company, there are of course so many reasons as all children are different.

As parents we want our children to be happy and we often believe that their friendships with other children can be key to that happiness, and therefore try to help and guide them to form special friendships. A child’s ability to make friends and their choice of friends are every parent’s concern.

Here are some strategies that parents can use to help children make friends and to cope with issues on a child’s choice of friends.

Identify Cause of Difficulty in Making Friends

Kids have difficulty in making friends for a number of reasons – bossiness, competitiveness, unwillingness to share, inexperience playing with other kids, low self-confidence and lack of hobbies. If parents can identify the cause of their child’s difficulty in making friends, they can try to help resolve some of the problems.

A few tips you could try are:

Bossiness, competitiveness, and unwillingness to share.
Teaching your child to share can start at home by reading stories about sharing and making sharing a part of the family’s daily lives – during meals, watching the same TV programs, sharing books and toys among siblings, etc.
Inexperience playing with other kids.
Provide opportunities for your child to make friends. Encourage children to play sports or join a children’s club. Invite other children over to the house to play, join playgroups, library story times or even church groups. There are lots of clubs for children to attend and if they are young/shy parents can stay at many of them too.
Low self-confidence.
Boost your child’s self-confidence by pairing them with an outgoing child or putting them in a smaller group of kids with similar predispositions. Schools can help here too by pairing them with a buddy or ensuring they try to help them become involved in class group activities or have someone play with them at break times.
Lack of hobbies.
Encourage the child to pursue their own hobbies. Just because you enjoy a hobby/sport doesn’t mean your child will – and they could trail a few to see which they really like best. Many clubs have a free first trial session such as Brownies or Beavers. Sports and kids’ activities can be very helpful.

Dealing with Children’s Choice of Friends

Some children have no problems making friends, but their choice of friends may be a cause for concern to their parents. Some parents may be tempted to prevent friendships they deem unhealthy for their children. However, Michael Grose, parenting expert and author of One Step Ahead: Raising 3 to 12-year-olds, cautions against that.

He explains that “banned” friends are like forbidden fruits and may appear all the more appealing (the same as when we try to diet we us adult often end up wanting those banned foods even more). Also, it’s also virtually impossible for parents to screen all the people that their child chooses to spend time with. After all, parents can’t supervise their children all day long.

“Rather than interfering, it is more effective to discuss your concerns with your child,” Grose says, adding that parents should find out why the child chooses a certain friend and trust that the child will behave appropriately.

For example, a child may befriend someone with a police record not because of the petty crimes they’ve committed but because they are good at playing the guitar or have great gaming skills – which could be a shared passion. When a child knows that their parents trust them with their choice of friends, they will be less likely to let their parents down.

Another useful approach for concerned parents is to make an effort to get to know a child’s friends. Ask the child to invite friends home so that parents can see for themselves the type of friends their child has. Often, appearances aren’t always what they seem – remember, never judge a book by its cover.

Forming friendships is crucial to a child’s growth. If a child has difficulty making friends then parents should identify the cause of the problem first before trying to resolve it.

It is also important not to get too involved, children will fall out with their friends many many times during their friendships but they need to work things out for themselves too. Fighting your child’s battles is never really the answer, and many times they will be best friends again within days.