Teaching basic manners to children

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Parents in the 21st century don’t have to give up on their children becoming respectful adults in a society that has allowed basic manners to go the way of the dinosaurs. Kindness and respect do not have to turn into an archaic idea and we can do this by teaching basic manners to children. What we need to remember is that what children see and hear, they will repeat. How this is done can take on varying forms, depending on each unique family situation.

The responsibility lies with parents and caregivers to show children how to be respectful and courteous. In a multi-cultural society, this can become an ever trickier task, though there are consistent behaviours that are found across all customs.

Teaching good manners, say Please and Thank You

Simply put, these two niceties should become practically subconscious things that come out of everyone’s mouths. One of the easiest ways to achieve this could be by practising at home. When a child asks for something, a “please” should be prompted if they haven’t said it already. When receiving what’s been asked for, or a gift, thanks should be encouraged. When this is done between parents and children on a daily basis, the child is more likely to do this outside the home in a social setting. And as they grow up, they will be the kind, respectful people that say “thank you” to their waiter when he refills their coffee or to the person handing over their change in the supermarket. Encouraging gratefulness includes a good byproduct – not having an “entitlement” attitude.

Resources for teaching manners

Teaching children how their actions affect others is a necessary undertaking by parents and caregivers. In their book Teaching Your Children Good Manners, Lauri Berkenkamp and Steven C. Atkins PsyD, cover many subjects, from table and phone etiquette to how to behave at a party. They include questions and answers for common situations and practical solutions, plus a breakdown of age-appropriate expectations.

Another book by Sheryl Eberly titled 365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children Learn Etiquette has, as the title implies, an entire year’s worth of information. This book contains more in-depth details of many aspects of how to behave in various situations.

Model good manners for kids

A student is only as good as his teacher. Us parents should implement these character traits in ourselves consistently before expecting our children to be a picture of respect and thoughtfulness. Enforcing good behaviour with acknowledgement is key. Children appreciate when their efforts are recognized, and they will continue to do what gets them attention.

We need to ensure we reinforce these manners by doing exactly the same. If you ask your child to wash their hands for dinner you should remember to say “Please can you wash your hands for dinner”, and Thank them when they pass you something or do what has been asked of them, by being consistent they will be reminded to be polite until eventually it has become second nature and they no longer need prompting.

Creativity will find opportunities to show good manners in every situation.

Games you can play to teach good manners to

Not all lessons have to be boring, role-playing games are great for helping to reinforce manners in a fun way:

Tea parties, you positive and reinforcing language with your children, “Can you pass the Tea please?”, “May I have a cake please?”, “That drink was delicious Thank You”.
Manner charades – Write down some things which would be considered good manners and others which would be considered bad manners on slips of paper. Split into teams and you have to not only guess what is being acted out but to decide if it is good or bad manners
Play Mother May I – my kids love this one, start off as you would for whats the time Mr Wolf, but instead of asking the time you have to say “Mother may I….” followed by an action to move closer to the finish line. The person at the finish line can either say “Yes you may” or “No you may not” if they say no they can give an alternative action for movement.

Teaching children manners is an achievable job when it is formed into a consistent and fun routine and you’ll reap the rewards later when you have polite children both at home and out and about.