**Collaborative post**
If there’s one thing that divorce teaches us, it is that our mindset can help us accomplish anything. Divorce is one of the most stressful things anybody can go through, but when there are children involved, our knee-jerk reaction is to protect them as much as possible rather than help or guide. We have to do what we can to make the process less stressful while also ensuring that we don’t shield them at the same time. How do we get this balance right?
Remind Them They Are Not to Blame
When our children see us going through the divorce process, engaging with lawyers, and trying to bite our lips so we don’t badmouth our ex, our children can easily turn the blame onto themselves, thinking that if it wasn’t for them you would both still be together. If they hear you bring them up in an argument, you have to take the time out to sit with your children and explain that it wasn’t them that caused it and that they couldn’t do anything to prevent it. We have to reassure them, because ultimately both parents still love their children and there is no need for our children to feel in the middle.
Getting the Children Involved in the New Arrangements
If you move out of the family home, it could be a tough process for you, but this is the perfect chance for your children to make their mark on a place. You could involve them in choosing items like furniture or decorating their room, and this can help for a far smoother transition. One of the toughest things for children during divorce is that they have to split their lives into two, so if you can make their new home feel like their old one, this will make them feel far more comfortable.
Creating New Traditions and Hobbies
One of the best things we can do during the divorce process is to give our children stability. Their old habits and traditions need to be intact, but everybody is starting a new life, and so you can begin by creating new ways of spending time together. If custody is 50/50, you might have the temptation to make every single moment they spend with you fun, but it’s also about remembering what your lives were like before the separation. You can create new traditions and hobbies to make you all feel rejuvenated, but be sure to embed one thing at a time.
Look After Yourself Too!
Parenting responsibilities are overwhelming when there are two of us involved, but we also need to remember that while this is a tough time and we can strive to overcompensate by giving our children gifts in the hope of softening the edges of the process, we also need to remember that the better we feel, the more we can help our children deal with their stresses.
It will be very difficult for the kids, and we can’t avoid this. We can stimulate conversation and make sure that our kids are communicating how they’re feeling, but if we can do our best with what we’ve got, this is good enough.
