Dear Emily and Harry,
I hope you’re having a good day at school. You’ll be reading, painting a picture, wowing everyone with your number skills … In a few hours time, you’ll come running out of your classrooms with smiles and stories of your day. You won’t remember the chaos of the morning or the things that were said amidst the panic of trying to leave the house on time. But I do. You see, Mummy loses her s*** every now and then. It’s not fun for me either as the guilt sets in the second I walk from your classroom door. But in that moment, some of the little things that make the morning so frantic make a little more sense.
This morning I lost it because neither of you could find your school shoes. What none of us remembered was, they were in the kitchen on a sheet of newspaper because you had both wanted to polish them together after school yesterday. You both did such a great job and looked so smart going into school!
This morning I lost it because you both seemed to take an age to eat your breakfast. What I missed was the fact that this was because you were both sharing the day ahead and the things you were excited about with each other. A conversation that was calm, cooperative and simply, beautiful.
This morning I lost it because Harry, you came downstairs with what seemed like more toothpaste down your jumper than went into the sink. A quick, hassle-free jumper change would possibly have made me grateful for your independence and desire to follow the routine, and appreciative of your help in doing these things for yourself.
This morning I lost it because you both insisted on pushing the acoustics of the living room to bursting point whilst getting dressed as you sang your way through the songs you are both learning in school. But if I’m honest, I can’t think now of a better way for you to start the day! Your happiness is often clouded by our need to stick to the routine and my need to think straight. Keep singing kids!
This morning I lost it because you were walking to school soooo slowly. There I was, watching the minutes pass with each step and urgency takes over. But Emily, look at all the conkers and leaves you collected for the collage you said you wanted to make. I’m sorry I forgot we were going to do that.
This morning I lost it because you announced to me, 2 minutes from the school gate, that you left your homework at home. I had told you last night to put it straight in your bag as you’d worked really hard on it and didn’t want to leave it at home. But you didn’t. And you left it at home. But now I remember why. You were so proud of it, you wanted to show it to Daddy. He was home late and told you he’d look at it when you had gone to bed. We looked at it together and talked about how wonderful it was. Then we put it on the table.
This morning I lost it because, I am human, I am a Mum and you kids matter to me. This morning I lost it, but now I understand, and I just wanted you to understand too. I lost it because sometimes Mummies do, but then sometimes, we ‘get’ it and we smile … And we do it all again tomorrow!
Love from Mummy